dave turner had a big dick and every woman in the world wanted to fuck him.
being a nice guy and a gentleman, dave was happy to oblige most of the time, but what dave really liked to do was track down and eliminate bad guys and threats to american freedom.
on the day it all began, dave was looking out the window at the morning rain, and the queen of somewhere or another, or maybe she was the hottest new star in hollywood - dave couldn't keep track of these things - was just waking up in the bed behind him.
"come on, sugar, one more time."
sure, dave thought, one more and then one more after that.
"i'd like to oblige but i have pressing engagements,"
"aww - what could be more pressing than me."
"killing bad guys."
"i see. well if you can kill bad guys half as good as you can rock a lady's g-spot with a steady roll, those bad guys are in a world of hurt, that's all i can say."
"thank you." suddenly dave's cell phone began to ring - to the tune of "the ballad of the green berets " played by the marching band of his old high school in craft creek, west virginia. he took it out of the pocket of his dressing gown immediately.
"you always answer your phone so fast? let it go to voice mail."
"it's the polite thing to do."
"of course. such a gentleman. just one more thing to like about you."
"turner here. no, you're not interrupting, but hey, i'll call you back in about twenty minutes. no, i'm interested. i'm always ready. later." he clicked off the phone.
"what was that all about? or was it - oh so secret?"
"nothing special. i got to go, though."
"another woman? or saving the world again?"
"just routine maintenance."
"what a great non-answer. you should have been a diplomat, my dear. i'd offer you a job as my foreign minister if i thought you'd take it."
he just nodded. so she was a queen - or maybe a prime minister.
"all right, go ahead. do you mind my staying here for a little while?"
"no, not at all." dave never kept any sensitive material anywhere except in his head.
"i'll call the embassy to pick me up. or the studio." so. she was a movie star too - or maybe she owned the studio.
fifteen minutes later, dave opened the door to ernie's diner, home of the best and greasiest hash browns on the east coast, a place he could go and never be bothered.
as he sat down , he noticed a young woman on the other side of the counter sipping coffee and reading a book about the exploits of that has-been, mack treacher.